‘Violence isn’t the worst, it’s the mental torture’ - Breaking the silence on coercive control

For decades, blackened eyes and split lips have been the unflinching hallmarks of domestic abuse.
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But for those bearing physical scars, there are as many who have none, leaving little hope of proving the abuse they have suffered.

A landmark shift in the law in 2015 has sought to change that, successfully turning domestic abuse through coercive control into a criminal act.

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In layman’s terms, it means emotional abuse, from simple name-calling to threats, intimidation, humiliation and control can now lead to prosecution.

Charlotte Brooke and Joanna Hinchcliffe have set up 'Break the Silence' a domestic abuse charity. 
(Picture Scott Merrylees)Charlotte Brooke and Joanna Hinchcliffe have set up 'Break the Silence' a domestic abuse charity. 
(Picture Scott Merrylees)
Charlotte Brooke and Joanna Hinchcliffe have set up 'Break the Silence' a domestic abuse charity. (Picture Scott Merrylees)

It can be anything from a perpetrator demanding a partner tell them of their whereabouts at all times, that they can only wear certain clothes, stopping them seeing friends and taking control of their finances.

In the three years since the law change, arrests have tripled in Yorkshire and gives a quick glance into the emerging scale of the problem.

But just how damaging is coercive control?

Joanna Hinchcliffe from Horbury knows exactly just how serious the issue has become, having suffered abuse herself.

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She has since launched ‘Break the Silence’, a help group for both men and women stuck in relationships with controlling partners.

The move to criminalise such behaviour has been welcomed, but the 32-year-old says little has been done to encourage victims to come forward.

She says the effects of coercive and control are hugely damaging and devastating, yet little is understood about the problem.

She insists the consequences can even be fatal, especially those subjected to gaslighting - the manipulation of a partner that is so fierce the victim can begin to doubt their sanity.

The sessions at the Malt House provide a safe place to talk in confidence.The sessions at the Malt House provide a safe place to talk in confidence.
The sessions at the Malt House provide a safe place to talk in confidence.
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“Violence is not the worst part, the mental torture is far worse and the effects of gaslighting can be catastrophic,” Joanna said.

“You begin to believe what you are being told, it’s like a slow constant dripping tap and it gets into your mind.

“I was always clued up on physical abuse, I knew everything there was to know about it, but I had no idea what coercive control was.

“You think are in love with that person, but you are only in love with an image that they want to create.

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“Support for survivors of coercive control is pretty non-existent.

“I’m not knocking the services, but there’s just a lack of understanding.”

With friend Charlotte Brooke, they arrange drop-in sessions at Horbury’s Malt House pub every Monday morning.

Charlotte suffered domestic abuse so bad it drove her to attempting suicide. The pair met through Turning Point, the mental health charity.

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“Bruises will heal but the mind does not as easily,” Charlotte said.

“It’s vital because I had no support through my relationships.

“These people like to manipulate and own you, cutting you off from all your friends and family.”

Since launching Break the Silence 19 months ago, thousands of people have been in touch on the group’s Facebook page, desperate for help, including men.

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The sessions at the Malt House were originally fortnightly, but demand has meant they are now held weekly, from 10am to noon.

They provide a safe place to talk in confidence, help with the family court process and the policing system, and guide people through the legal process for non-molestation orders, which once imposed, make it illegal for former partners to contact them.

Joanna added: “We’re the first to do this and the feedback has just been overwhelming.

“People can be sympathetic, but unless you have been through it you can’t explain it.

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“It shocks me how much damage that people can do to other psychology.

“I have a massive support network and if it was not for them I do not know how it would have ended for me.

“There can be light at the end of the tunnel, I’m living proof of that, people might feel like there’s no end to it, but there can be.

“If I can save one person from the abuse then my journey has been given some purpose.”

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A spokesperson for West Yorkshire Police said: “Controlling and coercive behaviour comes in many forms and can have a very significant impact on someone’s life. It is only right that in 2015 it was defined in law as a type of crime to close a gap in legislation.

“We have trained every single front line officer about how they respond to victims, how they risk assess each allegation and help victims who want alternative outcomes other than a prosecution.

“It is also not just about the numbers.

“What is important is that we use this new power appropriately and in the right cases.

“We have an ongoing campaign to increase the awareness of the public on the signs of controlling and coercive behaviour to encourage further reporting which can be found on the West Yorkshire Police website.”

West Yorkshire Statistics

2016 178 arrests. 18 charged.

2017 299 arrests. 40 charged.

2018 514 arrests. 47 charged

2019 470 arrests. 23 charged (so far)

sIGNS OF COERCIVE CONTROL

1). Constant name calling and put downs

2). Kept away from friends and family

3). Being told what to wear

4). Control of finances

5). Monitoring of whereabouts

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6). Gaslighting (a form of persistent manipulation and brainwashing that causes the victim to doubt her or himself, and ultimately lose her or his own sense of perception, identity, and self-worth)

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